If you still remember, last year we started analyzing the topic “Correction of anxiety in a child”. Those who do not know, can read this information on the link.

As promised, today I continue a small series of posts.

So that your tot will not suffer from low self-esteem, lack of confidence in its capabilities, below I will give 4 practical recommendations:
Address him by name if he is still small – you can call affectionate names that he likes very much (Helen, Marinochka, Ksyusha, Olezhek, Valerik, Pavlusha, Bunny, Kisonka, etc.).
Establish a relationship of trust with your child. Remember: if now he is reaching out to you in the hope of finding understanding, seeing interest in him in your eyes, and you have ignored all this – he just has to withdraw into himself or fill this need in another place, often not in the best …
Sincerely take part in his games, do not refer to employment – your tot will appreciate it. Many mothers and fathers noticed that a child from 1.5 years old to 4 years old does not want to play alone for a long time without adults. The limit is 15-25 minutes, then a whimper, moaning and drawing attention to oneself begin. The fact is that now he has this vital need – to play with an adult. Therefore, give your child the opportunity to play with a person close to him – mom, dad, grandmother or grandfather. If a child has older brothers and sisters, that’s great! As a rule, he participates with them with pleasure, especially when the age difference is not so big, up to 5 years.
Often praise your child for any successes and achievements not only alone with him, but also in the presence of other family members, other children and adults, encourage in case of failures. In no case do not make fun of: “Eh you, Khryusha”, do not panic: “What have you done with your crooked hands ?!”, do not humiliate in front of other children: “You are no good!” the toddler with his peers is not in his favor: “Look, how Misha can do, and you … well, whoever you went to, such a mess,”. Remember – the word is easy to blurt out, but it will be firmly deposited in the mind of the child and, having received a good portion of reproach, he will doubt his abilities and capabilities. And you, wanting to whip up the urge of karapuz, in order to achieve the desire to do everything well – you get a completely opposite effect.

However, it is also necessary to be able to praise – for no reason, praise turns into an empty idle talk, it becomes insincere and does not bear any meaning for the addressee. Therefore, before you say, think about how the child will perceive your words, whether this praise will be pleasant to him and whether she will help him to move on with confidence.

In the next article we will talk about how to teach a child to manage themselves in difficult life situations. And in order not to overlook the release of a new article – subscribe to updates via RSS at the top right or below it under this publication.

By the way, if you have any questions, additions to this material, or you want to share your own ways of increasing the child’s self-esteem, leave comments. They are very useful to the rest!

 You can still read: How does a child manage himself in difficult life situations? How to raise a child optimist? Baby fears how to help a child? Losing with a smile Teach your child to lose

I know firsthand how much time it takes for mom to systematize her developmental activities with the baby at home.

Some are playing with the child as randomly as they can. It also happens that the child either sits with his toys, or watches cartoons for hours, or clings to his mother, while she hastily remodels all her chores.

Many suffer remorse: I do nothing for its development! …

Therefore, to help these mothers diversify the days with the baby, Oksana Ageenkova (remember the interviews with her? :)) made a great cycle of developmental activities with a crumb from 1.5 to 3 years. Most liked

And she gives it to you completely free.
 Download a detailed monthly plan right now (RAR archive)

Be sure to print this file and keep it handy. In the evening, look into it, pick up the necessary materials in advance (and they will almost always be found in any house) and proceed from the next day fully armed.

Yes, happy mood is optional! Do not forget, And creativity will start to hit the key! I guarantee the delight of the baby and his selfless love for you
 Have a good weekend!

 You can also read: The eighth month of educational games for the baby The sixth month of a child’s life educational games

Do you notice that sometimes you run in the same circle when you are trying to cope with the whims and bad mood of your child?

First, you try to distract, show an unexpected trick, treat you with something tasty, promise something grand, or just give up and go on about it, so long as he stops crying and gets on his nerves.

Or go to decisive buzzwords and actions …

Familiar? Still would!

So now download Cheat Sheet: “Well, who tugged you by the tongue …?” Or Forbidden phrases. It contains 7 of the most dangerous actions that parents usually perform, trying to stop the whims.

DOWNLOAD HATCH

Print and hold this cheat sheet next to it to use it at the earliest opportunity and to leave the “dry” wet cranies with the child

 You can also read: Stop in time. How NOT to stop child tantrums (a case on a walk) About the crisis, lack of patience and personal boundaries If the child does not respond to the request and requests

Last week, the father of a 6.5-year-old daughter asked me for a consultation (I removed the names for confidentiality reasons):

Hello Tatiana! The girl choked on food 10 days ago. During the meal, I looked at the cartoon tablet. We began to warn her that during the meal you can not be distracted by TV and gadgets, as you can choke and die. Apparently, they went too far.
 Gradually, over the course of the week, she increasingly refused solid food. The last three days, eating only a very liquid semolina and mashed potatoes in a blender, and that is very bad. He actively drinks water or milk.

We do not press on it. We try not to focus on eating. But every day it only gets worse. The child is very mobile, sociable, but timid and cautious. Please, give recommendations how to act, we will be very grateful.

Such cases I meet very often. I see how many parents are completely lost and do not know how to behave. Panic and acute fear for the child settles in the family. And they can be understood.

Therefore, I decided to briefly describe what happens at this moment with the child, what psychological mechanisms are included in his mind and how you can go from an acute period to a soft one, in order to return to the same rut. In the period when the child calmly ate everything.

So…

Until the critical moment (that is, before the girl choked on food) there was a normal and stable eating behavior.
 According to her father, she ate almost on automatism, quietly chewing and swallowing chewed food. This automatism was developed against the background of previous positive experiences with chewing and swallowing food.

What happened to her at that critical moment? A blast of fear. Panic. The old automatism fell apart. The strongest survival mechanism is activated in the brain. And if a girl has the features of a melancholic type, according to her temperament, these feelings will be strengthened.
 It is for this reason that her brain is now blocking solid food and giving the command to her body to eat only safe food.
 The child is not aware of this, he acts as he feels intuitively, it is impossible to interfere with this. Those. choosing a liquid and light food the body of the child in this transitional moment as if trying to make sure that the food is safe and you can go further with solid food.

If the girl previously had a successful conditioned reflex, I eat calmly, but now a new conditioned reflex of rejection of solid food has formed, amid fear of choking.

Now the question. How to unlock this reflex so that it does not become stable and die?

Remember how habits are acquired and then lost. There are 2 ways:

1. We need a certain sufficiently powerful signal or situation, which (th) will override the previous one and form a new conditioned reflex.

2. Or you need to stop backing up unwanted behavior and it stops.
 At the same time, the previous habit (fear and choice of liquid food) dies away not instantly, but gradually. It may occur once, then another then less and less. And, finally, until it is replaced by a sustainable new (there is an ordinary food).

In other words, the girl needs to create such a successful situation in which she can eat something freely and at her own will. Now it does not matter what it is: liquid or solid. It is important calm attitude to food.
 And to stop worrying and reminding the family about food (as the excitement of the family only reinforces the child’s fear and does not solve the problem), to provide understanding and maximum support.

As soon as the girl relaxes and becomes free to eat of her choice, she also gradually goes to the usual food. Only in this way will this fear pass.

Few parents realize that this problem lies at the junction of biology and psychology. I had a case when my mother was angry with a child that he did not want to eat as much as she put on his plate. Everything seemed to her a little. And the child’s attempt to abandon some dish enraged her.

There were so many tears and sufferings from both the child and the mother! When she found out what was wrong, she radically changed her approach to nutrition.

In more detail about the mechanisms of formation of conditioned food reflexes and the chain of normal eating behavior, I told in the course “Oh, pieces, lumps! How to help a child eat solid food?” (click on the link and see the full description, the course itself in PDF format, with a volume of 131 pages and in MP3 audio format, 4 hours long).

I recommend to study carefully at many points you look another way.

The course will be suitable both for mothers who are just starting to feed their children and who have everything ahead, and for those who are trying to fix the child’s feeding for various reasons. And the mechanisms described in the course are universal for any age, since they are very ancient, based on biological laws, plus here are added the features of our human psyche.

Go to the direct link to order the course Oh, pieces, lumps

 You can still read: Mama Neznaika or Ignorance of favorable periods in the development of the child’s eating behavior. Part 7 Mole Mama or Blind Hope for Canned Food and Blender. Part 6 Mummy or Excessive care and increased anxiety Why is it so difficult to feed a child? Born a new course Oh pieces, lumps! How to help your child eat solid food